5-30-10 Marriage: One Plus One Equals Three
Movie Clip: Pay it forward 29:44 – 33:40
Last week we started a new series on marriage and we said that when we come into marriage with a great big I and we can’t help that because all we have is me, myself and I, and so we walk down the aisle saying to our selves, “I imagine it’s going to be this way and I hope it’s going to be this way, and I’m hoping and imagining that she’s going to be this way and our marriage is going to work this way and it’s going to function that way. We walk down the aisle with a big box of dreams, desires, and wishes and we say “I do”
In our box of dreams, wishes and desires, there’s ideas about how the money’s going to be made and how it’s going to be spent and how we’re going to make financial decisions. And we have dreams, wishes and desires about when we’re going to start a family and have our first kid in the first year, or the first five years, or, well, maybe there’s enough kids in the world all ready. Or we dream about what my wife will come to bed in, but she’s dreaming that it doesn’t really matter what she comes to bed in, because he’s going to love me for who I am.
There’s wishes hopes and desires like we’ll start in a small house, but then we’ll move into a bigger one before our kids are born, and you have ideas about what that house is going to look like and what color it will be and whether it will have a white picket fence or a barnyard full of animals, and you dream about what kind of car you’re going to drive and someday, she’s going to or he’s going to start their own business and work as this or as that.
I mean we all do this. It’s natural. We all come into marriage with a big box full of hopes, dreams, wishes, and desires and we take that big box of desires and we walk up to the alter and we say “I do”. Of course you do, because there’s only you at that point, but from that point on, it’s not about I, it’s about “We” and how do you make that work with two big I’s with two big boxes of desires hopes and dreams.
But here’s the deal and this is where we’re going. A Christian marriage is not a marriage where you throw Bible darts. Do you know what a bible dart is? A Bible dart is saying to your spouse, well the Bible says that you’re supposed to love me unconditionally – swisht! Ohhhhh. Well that’s nothing, the bible says that you’re supposed to submit! Ohhhhhh!
Christian marriage isn’t where you use the Bible to control the other person’s behavior. You know what that is? That’s just an I marriage with a cross hanging around it’s neck. That’s what that is. That’s not a Christian marriage. That’s an I marriage all over again where they’re using the Bible to convict and control the other person.
A Christian marriage answers this question, “What does my spouse owe me?” They owe me nothing. And if that scares you, I understand that. And if that bothers you, because you’re not sure how that works out practically, then I’m glad you’re here to hear it. But that’s the answer to the question if you want to have a Christian marriage.
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